My first biggest insecurity in life was my weight. Solving that, I was only mildly prepared for dealing with seeing strands of hair falling every time I ran my fingers through my hair.
It got to the point where I would either be randomly running my hand through my hair to see how bad the situation was getting, or running to the bathroom to look at how visible my scalp was getting in between my thinning hair.
I guess I really shouldn’t have been surprised since my grandfather and my dad showcased this famous gene. “Oh maybe I’ll be lucky and it’ll skip me …” trying to convince myself it won’t become an issue. Well shit ð It started to pick up speed my junior year of college, and by the time I had graduated, I was already feeling my hair density with my hand, every few hours, to check if it really was thinning.
Some people can get away with hair thinning if it starts in the right places and their facial structure works with it. Others have the self-confidence I can only dream of and don’t really let it bother them. For me, someone who had struggled with self-esteem issues since I was in middle school, this just brought back all the insecurities.
“Am I going to let my hair define how I live my life?”
What’s the big deal anyways?
I had worked hard to not feel as self-conscious about my body but now I could see myself always thinking about how my scalp would show after wearing a hat, or whether or not the light in the pictures would reflect just the wrong angles.
I doubt anyone would look as close to my hair in my pictures as I did but that’s the first thing my eyes would go to after taking one. If it made my hair thinning obvious, the picture had got to go â.
It seemed like my whole identity was being tied to my hair. What would I look like without the hair I used to have?? What would everyone else say? Some people had already remarked that I was losing my hair. Gee, thanks, as if I didn’t know about it and you telling me would magically solve my problems.
Would I be able to do something?
Okay so I started to realize I had a problem. Of course, google comes in really handy with that most of the times because somewhere someone has had the same issue. Lucky me that there is a whole world out there with people talking about this issue. Unlucky me, most of the solutions don’t really appeal to me.
1. The medical route ð
The most famous of which is topical solutions such as Minoxidil/Rogaine. They offer a slew of success stories, often with pictures comparing a bald head “before” ðĻðūâðĶē with the “after” ðąðūââïļ. The problem that I have with the side effects and the implications.
Do I really want to become reliant on this medicine for my continued security of my image? Am I willing to live with the potential health implications if it meant a luscious look?
2. Hair transplant ðĐðūââïļ
An expensive albeit less harmful solution. Same image comes to mind of a bald head turning into a head full of hair. Especially if I performed early in the hair loss phase. If I can afford it, then great!
Unfortunately, my personality gets in the way here a bit. I really really didn’t want my hair dictating how much money I need to spend. For me, it wasn’t a health reason, but a purely cosmetic one. And I just couldn’t get myself to spend ðē for something like that.
And it wasn’t likely to be permanent either! What if the hair loss continued, my insecurity would return and it really wouldn’t have solved anything.
3. Wigs Wigs and more Wigs!!
Apart from the upside of potentially looking fabulous like this person over here, I think I didn’t really put it in my potential solution list for too long.
Too much maintenance for me and didn’t align with my personality of trying to improve my self-confidence by not letting my body define it.
Now if I was trying to buy wigs just for a different look and not a solution to my thinning hair, that would be different.
4. Just go bzzzz bzzzz ð
This seems like the most drastic of all the options. Just giving in to the hair loss and trying to get ahead of it by shaving your entire head! I knew that I would go the full bald look at least once but I thought it would be for hajj.
It would solve most of my problems though …. would be forced to accept my fate and learn to live with my new self, forming a stronger sense of body security. I also wouldn’t have to spend money nor be reliant on anything else (except maybe a hair clipper).
The day of impulse decisions … ðķ
Weeks went by while I searched for what the best decision for me would be. Family members emphasized how I should get a hair transplant. But the last thing I was going to do was let my family set the tone for how I needed to think about my hair or really anything associated with self-esteem.
My youtube history list became filled with endless videos of people claiming how liberating it was to finally shave off the head. I scoured the inter-webs for stories of people’s before and after looks to see how well the shave worked for them.
Yes, there are a bunch of good-looking bald celebrities like Jason Statham but come on, celebrities generally all look good. I mean we’re conditioned to treat them as idols so of course all their looks would be amazing.
One night, while lying down on the couch watching such videos, I got the sudden impulse to just do it. Take my trimmers and go for it.
The first **swoop** was the hardest. Once that was over, every swipe of the trimmer that followed was easier. I wasn’t going for the full bald look, just a buzz cut level, but that was the first step.
The first thing I did after that was video call my mom to ask her how it looked lol.
The Aftermath ð
The next day, work was filled with many stares, comments, and questions. What was great was that I was now much more comfortable telling people about my hair loss and why I shaved most of it off. There were a few things I noticed over the next few weeks:
- Much less time was spent passing my fingers through my hair. Yes it might have been because I barely had any but no more constant anxiety!
- Family members and friends had mixed reactions. Some were very supportive, others chose to project their own hair insecurities by questioning why would I ever do what I did
- I did look at myself in the mirror more often, trying to see if I could recognize the changes, and what I could do to make myself more comfortable
More than a year has gone by since I first made my impulse decision to embark on eventually fully shaving my hair. Still haven’t made it all the way but I definitely feel much more comfortable going forward as I lose even more hair ðĪ·ðūââïļ. A bit of reflection:
- Save money on not having to go to the barber
- Much more at ease with myself and can focus instead on areas which are in my control like my health and learning!
- Reinventing my image! I started to explore the world of different facial hair, different glasses ð as accessories.
- Much more hats. Not really to hide my head but to protect it from heat ðĨ
I know this solution isn’t for everyone, but for me, I couldn’t have asked for a better one. It helped me improve my self-esteem and reduce my anxiety. I realized my own values in personal decisions and how reluctant I am to change my life in ways where I would have to be reliant on non-temporary solutions. Especially if there are other options.
I also am starting to accept the changes that come with age, whether its external or personal. I’ve always been consumed with trying to sustain a routine to optimize my life but life has a funny way of not following your perfectly laid out plan.